the 9 pillars of self-worth

The 9 Pillars of Self-Worth

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the 9 pillars of self-worth

On my healing journey, I recognised that there are many pillars to having strong self-worth. 

I believe self-worth is the foundation to living a happy life.

You could have all the confidence in the world but if your self-worth is low, it doesn’t really matter. 

You still won’t feel good about yourself. 

Self-worth is different from self-esteem. While it’s great to have self-esteem, this comes from outside validation, whereas self-worth comes from within. 

Self-worth is knowing we are worthy, accepting who we are, trusting and believing in ourselves. 

To understand the difference, look at celebrities who struggle with their worth.

They may seem so confident and have a lot of self-esteem but if they are lacking in self-worth their mental health will suffer. 

That’s because they are getting a lot of their validation from outside sources. 

At the moment I would say I have more self-worth than confidence but that’s because I really focused on that on my own healing journey (I’m now working on my confidence😉). 

In fact, I used to have loads of confidence but zero self-worth (this was before my PTSD diagnosis). Some people would even say I’m the most confident person they know! 

But it didn’t matter as my self-worth was so low I was never really happy. 

Over the last 18 months, I’ve worked hard on my self-worth. I’ve got to a place where I know I deserve great things in life (this is still a work in progress btw!) and I realised there were 9 different pillars to having strong self-worth. 

The 9 Self-Worth Pillars

  1. Awareness 
  2. Connection 
  3. Acceptance 
  4. Commpassion 
  5. Trust 
  6. Respect 
  7. Self-belief 
  8. Value 
  9. Love

These are the things I’ve been focusing on to really increase my self-worth.

Awareness

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

C.G. Jung

You will probably know that awareness creates change right, well it’s true. It’s also true that the more awareness you have the stronger your self-worth is. 

That’s because when you are aware that everything you do and say is somehow influenced by childhood conditioning, you let go of guilt and shame and can start to make real changes in your life. 

You can move from being a very reactive person to living a more calm and centred life. 

If your struggling in life and you aren’t aware of your part to play in this, you will keep yourself stuck in victim mode and feel powerless. 

However, when you practice becoming aware of why you feel the way you do, you can clear the stuck energy and create positive change. 

These days I always ask myself “why am I being triggered or acting this way”

I’m still amazed at how I can always trace it back to my childhood!! 

We are all conditioned from childhood, even if you had a lovely childhood. We live in a world where false beliefs are put on us from a very young age. 

When you don’t believe you are enough, that is just childhood conditioning!! 

You were told you weren’t enough but that’s simply not true. 

So now you know you have thoughts in your head that aren’t originally yours, it makes it a lot easier to let go of them!!

To increase your awareness, try journaling.

Connection

“When people go within and connect with themselves, they realize they are connected to the Universe and they are connected to all living things.”

Armand Dimele

When I suffered from PTSD, I didn’t feel connected to myself or other people. I especially didn’t feel connected to my body. When I felt anxious or triggered, it felt like I wasn’t in my body. 

This is called dissociation. 

I still get this sometimes but it’s very rare and I now know how to ground myself now. 

The more I worked on feeling connected, the more I felt worthy. How can you feel like you belong in this world if you don’t even feel connected to yourself? 

The more I work on feeling connected to myself, the more I feel comfortable connecting with others. 

Connection to all things is essential for self-worth, including feeling connected to nature and the universe. 

To feel more connected, try breathing exercises, yoga and walks in nature. 

Acceptance

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Lao Tzu

To feel worthy, you have to accept who you truly are!

This isn’t about being someone you think people will like, that never works. In fact, I did this for years and I felt miserable. 

This is about being YOU!!

Accepting who you are will increase your happiness!!

I found that the more I forgave myself and let things go, the more I accepted myself. 

I practice acceptance daily! 

You can use affirmations, I AM statements and EFT to help you accept yourself more.

Compassion 

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

Mother Teresa

If you are constantly beating yourself up, you will never feel worthy. Having compassion for yourself, as well as others, will help you strengthen your self-worth. 

Not only does it feel good to have compassion but it has the power to heal. If you can’t have compassion for yourself, you will end up ruminating over past mistakes and shortcomings. 

Basically, bullying yourself and putting yourself down. 

If you practice compassion, however, you are coming from a place where you know we are all human and doing the best we can, with the knowledge and understanding we have. 

Compassion opens us up to finding new ways of being, instead of being stuck in victim mode. 

Being kind to ourselves means we can move on faster and find a better way. 

If you want to have more compassion in your life, try talking to yourself like you would your best friends. Tell yourself, it’s gonna be OK!

Trust 

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When you trust yourself, life just feels so much easier! 

Being a recovering codependent, I’ve struggled with this. Growing up with an alcoholic father, I was shown not to trust myself. 

His addiction was denied, so even though I knew something wasn’t right, I was told that it was normal. 

I believe I have strong intuition but I have ignored it for a long time. I was taught that it was wrong and weird, so blocked I it out. 

However, when you practice listening to your intuition, guess what?? It gets stronger. 

Trusting yourself is an act of self-love because you are showing yourself that how you feel matters, that you are important. 

If you struggle with trusting yourself, start using meditation to help you make decisions.  

Respect

“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”

Rita Mae Brown

Sometimes we can be people-pleasers, which means that we don’t respect ourselves. When we respect ourselves, we can create boundaries and put our needs first. 

When you respect yourself, you don’t tolerate other people treating you badly, you know that you deserve to be treated well and take steps to protect yourself. 

You put boundaries in place, even if you know it will upset the other person. 

By learning to say no to the things and people you don’t want in your life, you are respecting yourself. It might feel uncomfortable at first but soon you will realise that it benefits everyone if you stay true to yourself.

If you want to start respecting yourself more, start by saying no to things you don’t want to do. 

Ask yourself, do I want this or am I just trying to get someones approval?

Self-Belief

“Believe that you can make your way. Or don’t. Either way, you are right.”

Jennifer Donnelly

Believing in yourself is important to self-worth because without it you wouldn’t achieve your full potential. 

When you believe in yourself, you are telling yourself that you know you are worthy of going after your dreams. 

If you tell yourself you can’t do something, guess what? You can’t. 

We all create self-fulfilling prophecies in our lives, so if you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t try to achieve your goals and therefore you will tell yourself you’re not good enough. 

A lot of us hold ourselves back because we tell ourselves that we can’t have the life that we want because for some reason we just aren’t worthy of it. 

Or we fall at the first hurdle and give up. 

If you want to believe in yourself more, be aware of the way you talk to yourself. Start telling yourself you can do this. Set small, achievable goals and celebrate when you achieve them! 

Value

“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.”

Albert Einstein

When you know that you are of great value to the world, you stop comparing yourself to others and recognise all the great qualities about yourself. 

Valuing yourself means you know your strengths and the great things you bring to the world.

You know the value you bring to others.

By knowing what values are important to you, you can live your life with dignity and grace.

We often feel bad when we don’t live by our core values, so it’s important to know what you value in life, so you can work to be aligned with them. 

To value yourself more, write a list of the things you already value about yourself and look at it often.

If you aren’t behaving or acting in ways that are in line with your core values, then take steps to make the changes you need to align with them.

Love

“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.”

Robert Morley

Saving the best till last😉 you can’t feel worthy if you don’t love yourself!!

One thing that I found so profound when I was listening to The Four Agreements: Mastery of Love, was it said the most important love in the world is the love that radiates out of us. 

That was a game-changer. 

For so long, I chased love from others but I never felt fulfilled. It wasn’t until I started to find ways I could love more, including loving myself more, that I started to feel whole again. 

If we focus on our own hearts, how much love we give to the world, we will truly feel fulfilled!!

If you want to feel more love, then give more love. To yourself and others.

Write yourself love letters, do loads of self-care, treat yourself like the queen you are!!

Everything I do for myself now is an act of self-love and I tell myself that all the time!!

I also tell myself every day that I love myself…..because I do!!

I truly believe that when you work on these pillars of self-worth, you will start to feel a lot happier in your life.

Remember beautiful, you are so very worthy!!!

Let me know in the comments how you cultivate these pillars and where you are on your self-worth journey!

Big love

P.S If you love a good challenge, then download my FREE self-love journaling challenge HERE!

The 9 Pillars of Self-Worth

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