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Sometimes it’s hard to know why we feel emotional, especially if we are used to pushing our feelings down and not facing them.
When I used to do this I would get emotional at the smallest things, life felt too much and everyone around me suffered by my mood swings.
Learning to deal with my emotions and look for the root cause, so I can heal that part of me, has been a complete blessing.
Having PTSD meant I got triggered a lot, you become hypervigilant, it’s a natural response. You don’t have to have PTSD (or diagnosed with it) to suffer from this, people who have anxiety have it too.
This means you are in a constant state of fight or flight, so your emotions are bound to be all over the place. Many people look at it at face value and don’t go deeper to find out what’s causing them to be triggered.
The only way to feel more peace in your life is to learn to face your emotions.
I never thought I could change, yes I still get emotional, that’s normal because I’m human!! However, I deal with them so much better. I rarely react from my emotions, I go within and figure out why I’m being triggered(and to be honest, I don’t get triggered that much anymore).
The best way to do this is to first ask questions about why you are feeling emotional and secondly deal with the emotion and trigger.
Getting to the Root of Your Emotions with This Question
When you feel triggered, ask yourself “what is really bothering me?”
You could feel angry because your kids haven’t tidied their toys up but is that really the issues? When you think about it, does it even matter if they have tidied up??
Or is it that you don’t feel appreciated or cared for and you got this belief from your childhood?
Ask yourself the question until you get a substantial answer. Then ask how this can be linked to your childhood, to really get to the root.
I believe we are conditioned from our childhood, we have so many limiting beliefs about ourselves that we carry into our adult lives. The problem with the human mind is it finds evidence to confirm these false beliefs about ourselves.
So if you don’t feel appreciated because your parents never appreciated you, you will think that your kids not helping to tidy up means they don’t appreciate you either.
When in reality they are tiny humans who don’t really think the same way we do. Tidying isn’t fun, so why would they want to do it??
So because we have these internal belief systems, we take it personally when it never is!!
Dealing with the root cause or belief, which would be I don’t feel appreciated will change your energy and help you react differently.
Childhood conditioning is VERY strong, so it takes conscious effort to change and time.
But if I can do it, anyone can!!
An Example of One of my Triggers
One of the triggers I worked on was people being late. It used to drive me insane and make me feel so angry.
It doesn’t sound like a big deal though does it?
Well in my mind it was. When I was younger my dad often didn’t come home after work because he would go out drinking. Sometimes he never came home.
It broke my heart.
Thinking I might never see my dad again and if I did he would be drunk and most likely become violent. Either way was bad.
So when he was late my mind would connect that to danger.
Fast forward to being an adult, if my partner was late I would have a complete meltdown.
I felt scared.
That’s because my mind had been conditioned to associate lateness with danger.
In reality, it’s no big deal if someone is late, I often am myself but you can see how our minds twist things and make these connections.
Now it doesn’t affect me if people are late because I worked on that trigger and my feelings around it.
Other Questions you can ask to get to the Root are:
- How do I feel (try and go deeper with how you feel with the emotion wheel, sometimes we can only think of sad, happy and angry)
- Why do I feel this way?
- Where do I feel this in my body?
- What is the story I’m telling myself? (e.g if someone is late it mean something bad is going to happen)
- What beliefs do I have around this?
- What unresolved pain from my past am I reminded of by this situation?
Ways to Deal With Your Emotions
It also is proven to calm down the amygdala, which is the part of our mind that triggers the fight or flight response.
The great thing about EFT is you are honouring how you feel. When you tap, you are stating everything you feel, instead of just covering it up with positivity.
It’s important that we lean into our feelings, sometimes even just saying how we feel is a huge relief.
So if you need to cry….DO IT!!
If you need to punch a cushion to release your anger do that too!! (always find safe ways to release anger, especially around children)
Other Ways to Help With Emotions
- Talk about your pain in a safe space (therapy, counselling or trauma coach)
- Yoga (a lot of emotions are held in the body)
- Journaling, as well as answering the questions, free write how you feel
- Forgiveness. Forgiving the people who hurt us will help clear the energy around it (also forgive yourself!!)
- Deep breathing
- Doing inner child work
When you start to face your emotions, instead of either pushing them down or putting them onto other people, it can be really hard.
Many people are taught to ignore how they feel and brush things under the carpet.
We are told not to talk about difficult situations (especially for children who are living with a parent who is an addict), so not many of us know how to deal with them.
It also means we doubt our feelings. We don’t trust our own reality or that our feelings are valid. If your reality was denied as a child (e.g dad isn’t an alcoholic, there isn’t a problem or it’s just normal for parents to fight to resolve disagreements)
When you have spent your who life doing something a certain way it can feel really uncomfortable changing.
So as always, please be kind to yourself. It’s no one’s fault that we conditioned in this way (yes, not even our parents), have compassion for yourself and others.
It’s easier to love your feelings when you learn how to deal with them in a healthy way, instead of being scared of them.
Let me know in the comments below if you have any other ways that help you with your feelings.
P.S If you love a good challenge, then download my FREE self-love journaling challenge HERE!