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As women, we are made to believe from a very young age that a knight in shining armour will come to sweep us off our feet and save us. Even when we are strong independent women, this belief can be hidden deep down inside of us.
And this belief has been showing up for me time and time again recently.
I’m not earning the money I want – I need a rich man to save me
I’m feeling insecure – I need a man to make me feel good enough
I feel isolated – I need a man to make me feel safe
I have too much to do – I need a man to help me
But there’s another thing I have noticed, even when a man comes to save me in a situation, I still don’t feel happy.
You see this fairy tale story we have been sold is bullshit, no man or anyone else can save you, only YOU can do that.
Therefore even when they try to save us, we still don’t feel any better (and I’m not talking about giving us support here!!).
So why doesn’t it make us happy when a man saves us? Because we don’t believe in ourselves, we are giving our power away and we are not living our full potential!
For example, if we want a rich man to come and save us, we don’t believe that we are capable to be wealthy. If we look to a man when we are feeling insecure, we are not giving ourselves enough love and the temporary high will not last, especially because you will worry if they really do love you.
Being in an on-off relationship has really highlighted this limiting belief for me. When my partner and I split up, I thought the only way I could be happy again was if we got back together. But when we did get back together, I still wasn’t happy.
Getting back together didn’t solve any of my problems, only I could solve them!
Not only was I putting all my hopes that a man could save me, but I also wasn’t taking any action on my dreams because of this.
I wasn’t doing the work to change my life because I was hoping a man could change my life for me.
How limiting is that!!
It doesn’t matter how many self-help books you read, how many techniques you know or how much you visualise how you want your life to be, nothing will change if you don’t take action.
No one else can take action for your life but you.
I defiantly know this limiting belief will be hard to let go of because it’s so embedded in our society. How many times do we tell ourselves we are dressing up, losing weight or looking good just for ourselves, when actually it’s for a man?
We want to be a better person or be more successful so we can be good enough for a man.
We are told that being in a relationship is so much more superior to being single. If you’re single it’s because you have been left on the shelf, so we desperately want to get married, even if it’s with someone who isn’t right for us.
It makes us believe that if we are single we are somehow less than, so we keep on dreaming that someday a handsome prince will come to save us.
Real life isn’t like that!!
When I look back at my twenties I can clearly see where I put the hope of a relationship before myself and my friends but I thought that if I was in a loving relationship it wouldn’t be like that.
However, it was the same because I was still putting them first and not doing the work to really love myself first.
As a result of this realisation I asked myself the following questions:
- What would my life look like if I spent the next year focusing on myself?
- What would I do differently if I was free of this belief?
- What if love wasn’t my happy ever after?
- What if loving me was my happy ever after?
- What can I do to save myself?
These questions really helped me see what I wanted from my life and how I can take action to create a life I wanted, instead of relying on someone else to do it for me.
It’s about deciding what life you want and going out there and getting it! Believing that you can change things and you don’t need anyone else to save you.
I’m not saying love is bad; love is amazing, as long as you don’t look to that love to save you!
Only you can save yourself and I truly believe in you!
Let me know in the comments below if this belief has shown up in your life!