How to Stop Playing the Victim

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How to Stop Playing the Victim

We go through so much shit in our lives, it’s easy to get stuck in the victim mentality.  The problem with this is it can keep us stuck and bring more negativity in our lives.

A lot of my life I was stuck playing the victim, which means I have given my power away and felt stuck in a negativity trap.

When we are constantly in the victim mindset it can affect all areas of our lives. We stop being able to solve problems and tend to think that everything that happens to us is out of our control.

Of course, there are so many things we don’t have control over but what we do have is the control over how we let things affect our lives.

Playing the victim keeps us stuck, makes us feel small and powerless.

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What Does Playing the Victim Mean

Playing the victim refers to a mindset or behaviour in which we see ourselves as a helpless or a powerless victim in a given situation. People with a victim mentality think bad things will happen to them and that they have bad luck. This is also called victim complex or victim syndrome.

People in victim mode will blame others or external circumstances for their problems, rather than taking responsibility for their own actions and choices.

This mindset can prevent you from taking action to improve their circumstances and can lead to feelings of helplessness, resentment, and self-pity. Being in victim mode means you have negative self talk and you are less likely to make positive change.

Playing the victim can also be a way to manipulate others, seeking sympathy and attention. It is important to recognize when you or someone else is playing the victim, as it can have negative effects on mental and emotional well-being.

How to Stop Playing the Victim

Stop playing the victim

The first step is the awareness that we are doing this, which is nothing to feel ashamed of as we all tend to do this at some points in our lives.

The next step is to take action to change our perspective, which gives us our power back.

Here are some of the things I’ve found helpful when I notice I’m playing the victim.

Take Control to get out of Victim Mode

When we are playing the victim we give our control to things outside of us. We need to start looking within and take back our control.

The best way to do this is to look at your basic needs, find out which ones aren’t being met and make plans to change this.

Also, acknowledging that you have a choice in how you respond to any situation, and that you are responsible for the outcomes of your choices.

You get to choose what upsets you and how you feel in life. You can start to work with your emotions, instead of letting the run your life.

Take Responsibility for Your Life to Shift out of a Victim Mentality

We have all gone through hard times and had to deal with difficult, even toxic people but it’s our responsibility to move on from this.

I’m not saying it’s easy or we shouldn’t be upset by what others did to us but we need to take responsibility for our own lives.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of “but they did this to me” and wallow in our pain but that’s what’s going to keep you stuck.

So you can either stay stuck or do the work to heal.

This could mean getting therapy or simply forgiving anyone who has hurt you.  No one else can do this, only you.

Even the things that we had no control over, such as childhood trauma, we have the responsibility to work through this pain and get the help we need.

However, taking responsibility and blaming yourself are 2 very different things. Please don’t blame yourself for any type of mistreatment or abuse, especially in childhood. Taking responsibility is understanding that it’s in the past you need to let the pain go and heal, in order to feel good in life.

Know you are not Alone

Stop playing the victim


We all go through this life together and we all feel stuck sometimes. Be gentle on yourself and know that this is a journey.

It can be so easy to feel like no one understands our pain but that’s not true. Reach out to people, get the support you need. When we feel supported and loved we are more likely to see the positives in our lives.

Practice Self-compassion

Have Self-compassion for where you are right now. You may have been playing the victim for a long time (I know I did!!) but it’s OK.  Just by reading this now you are aware that you are doing this and you want to change, which is amazing!!!

Also try to have compassion for the people who hurt you, most of the time these people are hurting too.

We tend to say and do hurtful things when we are scared and when you are aware of this, it is easier to have compassion and to forgive others.

Stop Negative Self Talk with Affirmations

Are lives are a reflection of our dominant thoughts. If you constantly think bad things will happen, your mind will start to look for things to confirm this (this is called the reticular activating system).

Our world is a mirror to how we talk to and treat ourselves. When you start to talk to yourself with more love, the world will start to reflect this back.

Start by writing all your negative thoughts that you say every day and flip them. This is what your affirmations should be. Start to say these positive affirmations to yourself everyday, as much as you can to reprogram your mind.

Your mind might fight you when you start to change your negative thoughts because you have thought a certain way your whole life. Remember, it’s just your mind trying to protect you, keep persisting in your affirmations until you fully believe them!

Release Your Negative Thought Pattens With EFT

Finally my favourite tool ever!!! EFT is such a great tool to use when you feel stuck or if you are finding it hard to shift emotions or change your behaviour.

Brad Yates is one of my favourite EFT practitioners and he has hundreds of tapping videos that you can tap along to. Here is a great video if you feel like you can’t stop playing the victim.

Start releasing the need to blame others for what’s happening in your life and take back your power now!

Let me know in the comments below if you have any other ways you know of to stop playing the victim.

Big love

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