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We all connect through telling stories but what about the ones that are holding us back? I’m a woman and yes I like to talk a lot and I used to talk about my story all the time.
And it wasn’t the story of being a survivor or successful, it was a story of being a victim. The stories I told myself and others kept me stuck. Stuck in blame and victimhood.
I would tell everyone who would listen and I would think about these stories every day.
I was like a broken record.
These stories were mainly about what people had done to me, how hard my life was and how no one cared about me (believe me they did!!)
The thing was, I just manifested more of these things into my life. By going over and over with all this negative talk, it attracted more negative stuff in my life.
I had CPTSD, so I would never beat myself up for doing this and if you have mental health issues I really hope you won’t either. Our minds can be hard to control and if you do something similar please be gentle on yourself, as always!
However, it got to a point where I started to see that these stories I would tell didn’t serve me anymore and actually were holding me back.
And they were making me feel shit, always thinking about what happened to me. It’s so important to feel heard and talk about what has happened to you in a safe space, like in therapy but this isn’t what I’m talking about here.
I’m talking about the stories we tell ourselves every day. We aren’t telling these stories every day because we don’t feel heard, we are telling them to stay stuck.
It can be scary letting go of the identity we have given ourselves.
I’ve let go of so many of my old stories it’s hard for me to remember them all 🙈.
The biggest one I had to let go of those was that no one cared or loved me because it simply isn’t true.
Another one I loved to use was I behaved badly because of how everyone treated me, also not true.
By letting go of this story I’ve been able to look at these behaviours and make a positive change because I’m no longer blaming others.
I also stopped talking about the things that happened to me, I processed them properly in counselling and let them go.
I played the victim lots and don’t get me wrong, I was a victim when these bad things happened to me but I choose to be a survivor now.
If you start to notice you say the same things over and over, it might me time to let go of the past and start enjoying your life.
How to let go of Your Stories
Ok, so this one is for anyone who has suffered abuse as I did. It’s important that you process the things that happened to you in a safe environment.
One of the things that helped me a lot, was to understand why these things happened and why they affected me so much.
Learning about abuse and why people do it, helped me let go of the power it had over me.
Trauma is a huge thing and to be taken very seriously, so if you find yourself talking about what happened to you in childhood, you could still be affected by it.
There are loads of things you can do to help yourself with trauma but it is always best to seek professional help to process it safely.
Take a Story Detox
This was huge for me!! As many of you know, I went through a hard break up about 18 months ago. I kept telling the stories of what happened for a long time.
About a year ago I started to notice that by talking about it so much, it was holding me back.
So I took a detox!
I slowly let go of the stories I was telling and in the process, I realised a lot of them weren’t true or clouded by my victim mentality.
Of course, I still do talk about the past sometimes but it doesn’t have the same energy or hold over me (and I’m not perfect, I still talk about it to my very close friends sometimes).
The easiest way to do this is to focus on yourself and what’s happening in the present.
If you catch yourself talking about the old stories, simply change the subject or focus on something else.
It’s like training your brain to think differently, our old way was simply a habit we picked up.
EFT is a great way to clear negative energy around the things that happened to you and the beliefs you tell yourself.
If you have never done tapping before, it’s very simple. You just tap on different meridian points on your face and body, while saying the negative things you want to clear.
Over the next few days, write down all the stories you notice you tell yourself and you can tap on each one of them.
You know I love Brad, so here is one of his tapping videos, which are great to use if you are new to tapping or stuck on what to say!
Tell a Different Story
Another great way is to tell a different story.
I went through a lot of abuse and felt like a victim but when I changed this story, my energy changed. I no longer feel stuck in the past and it feels amazing.
So if I do talk about what I went through, I tell my stories differently. The people who hurt me were hurt as well.
I’m not giving them a get-out clause, however, I can have compassion for them now instead of resentment.
I also started telling myself it wasn’t personal, someone else could have been where I was and they would have got the same treatment. Because it was about them and their behaviour, never me.
This helped me get rid of the belief that something was wrong with me.
For the stories like no one cares about me or I’m not a lucky person (one I recently started telling myself was, I’m cursed, which started as a joke but I started believing it, how limiting!!) you can simply say the opposite.
Like, I feel cared about, I feel loved, I am lucky.
If you say these affirmations enough, you will start to believe them. If you find them hard to believe, you can always try tapping on them.
Another thing that helped me a lot was forgiveness. I actually practice forgiveness every day. If you aren’t sure how to do this, you can check out my post HERE!!
Making forgiveness a priority helps you let go of the hurt and pain from the past. And yes, that includes forgiving yourself!!
I found forgiving myself the hardest thing ever. I’ll be real here, having CPTSD isn’t pretty and I acted in really bad ways. I was scared, reactive, angry and closed off to everyone.
After I started to change, I went through a period of time where I felt ashamed and embarrassed about the person I used to be.
So I had to start forgiving myself also, in order to make progress. I will always be deeply sorry to everyone involved and I forgive myself for being that way.
Forgiving myself and others helped me let go of what happened to me and create lasting change.
I always think the best way to apologise is to change the hurtful behaviour for good.
You will be surprised at how much more joy you can have in your life when you forgive!
The things that happened to you do NOT have to define you.
You can let go and live a more peaceful life!
Let me know in the comments any stories you have leg go of!!
As always, you got this 💜
P.S If you love a good challenge, then download my FREE self-love journaling challenge HERE!