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If you had told me a year ago that I was codependent, I wouldn’t have a clue what you were talking about!! It was only about 5 months ago I discovered I was codependent.
This was something I learned from childhood, my dad was an alcoholic and I spent my days trying to fix him. I longed to find a way to heal his pain.
I put that mission first, before myself (and yes I was a very young child) I put it before everything!!
But every day he would come home drunk, upset and use me as a shoulder to cry on.
What a lot to put on a young girl.
Of course, I would comfort him, tell him it would be ok and that I loved him. It was never enough.
It never will be.
Every day he chose the drink over us, so he never really had to face his demons and work through the pain.
Only wallow in it.
So I had been conditioned to put others first and try to fix them (as well as other things), without fixing myself (although I’m a strong believer that no one is broken, only wounded)
Relationship after relationship was filled with addiction and abuse. And once again I could never change these men, I couldn’t even change myself, as I was so fixated on the pain.
The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special tooErnest Hemingway
I felt scared to put myself first.
And I’m not blaming anyone here, this is learned behaviour, it’s conditioning from childhood.
The good news is with awareness comes change.
Learning about codependency has given me to knowledge to make the changes in my life that I’ve wanted to do for years!!
However, it’s very complex and has so many different elements to it. Some you might have and some you might not.
It’s too much to put in one post, so today I’m talking about the addiction to DRAMA!!
When faced with senseless drama, spiteful criticisms and misguided opinions, walking away is the best way to stand up for yourself. To respond with anger is an endorsement of their attitude.Dodinksi
Let’s be honest, most of us have experienced a buzz at some point in our life when drama happens. It’s human nature.
However, codependency gets us hooked on drama because it happens so much in our lives.
Living with addicts is hard, they lie, they manipulate and they are abusive. They don’t even know or recognize it half the time.
They will do anything to hide their addiction, to justify it or to convince themself and everyone else there is no problem.
They go to great lengths to do this.
So every day can be drama crazy!!
And when we have too much of something, we can become addicted to it!!
I knew I was addicted to the drama when I hadn’t heard anything about my ex for a while (I stopped contact with him for 5 months now) and I’d start to feel a bit bored.
I couldn’t figure it out, for so long I had craved peace, this is what I wanted, so why wasn’t I happy.
I was going through withdrawal from his drama. And every time I’d hear about more stuff about him from others, I’d get a little hit from the drama.
Let’s be clear here, none of this made me feel happy, finding out about lies and abuse hurts and caused me a great deal of anxiety but I was still addicted to it!
Isn’t it strange how we can be addicted to something that causes a great deal of pain!
Once I started to notice I was addicted to the drama and felt uncomfortable living in peace, I started to work on it.
I did everything I could to make my life feel calm and peaceful. I wanted to tip the scales, so there was more peace than drama in my life.
I meditated, listened to relaxing music, filled my life with self-care and surrounded myself with supportive people.
I had to stop myself looking for the drama also. I spent less time on social media, stopped checking my emails and spent less time with people who could feed the addiction.
Slowly I am embracing the peace.
And what started to happen was my anxiety faded away and joy replaced it.
No longer does my heart race when I hear some information that I don’t want to, in fact the majority of the time it doesn’t affect me now.
Like water off a duck’s back or as a great friend of mine says, like Teflon.
Of course, this is a process and like everything it takes time. This is a lifetime of conditioning I’m working with and it won’t disappear overnight but a lot more of my days are filled with peace and joy.
And I am not saying I no longer feel hurt by things, of course I do. However, I’ve learned to feel my feelings and move through them quickly. I no longer dwell in the past and feed off pointless drama.
And the more you practice this, the less hurt you feel. When you fill your life with peace, you will be able to handle a lot more and stay calm and centred.
Filling my life with peace has also helped me stop being so reactive. I no longer react in anger, I let things settle before taking action or communicating.
As long as you continue to react so strongly to them, you give them the power to upset you, which allows them to control youSusan Forward
Being less reactive also means less drama!!
When we are addicted to drama or codependent, we are working from our wounded feminine.
It’s time to step into our empowered feminine, by learning to feel grounded, live in flow and just be.
Letting go of drama is a step towards healing ourselves and living a more authentic life.
It feels so good to not rely on drama to fill me up!!
Instead, I fill myself up with love and light, from within, instead of looking for others to fill me up!
Being addicted to drama is only one of the traits of codependency, there is so much more to it!!
If you put others first, feel guilty a lot and find it hard to set boundaries, you may be codependent. If you feel you are, talk to a therapist or find a support group.
The best way to free yourself from the shackles of codependency is to get the right help and support.
Let me know in the comments if you have found yourself addicted to drama or if you struggle with codependency.
Sending love and light
P.S always be kind to yourself. We all learned behaviours from childhood and now isn’t the time to beat yourself up for it. Be gentle and give yourself a lot of love!!